Faithful or Traitor?

Turret plotting, secret alliances, roundtable plot twists- The Traitors has the nation hooked right now. But when it comes to the relationships in your life, what role are you playing?

Although a latecomer (I’ve only seen Celebrity Traitors and Traitors UK Season 4), I’ve quickly become obsessed with the show. I’m not alone: apparently, over 14 million viewers tuned into the highly emotive Celebrity Traitors final in November (I’m still reeling from those last moments around the firepit 🔥!).

Naturally, I have devoured everything I can get my hands on- including this brilliant BBC article by Yasmin Rufo on how often we lie within our relationships (one or two daily, apparently 😬). Here, Rufo is not necessarily talking about huge whoppers, but also the kind of little white lies that can extricate us from a social event we’d rather not attend, or gloss over an awkward topic that tends to invite tension.

For me, it invited some thought-provoking questions:

·       How easily can I say an honest ‘no’ in this relationship and have my boundaries respected?

·       What is not being said?

·        Am I really being myself or am I on my guard?

Considering these questions, I have come to a revelation that has blown my mind:

The level of honesty in a relationship determines the quality of that relationship 🤯🤯🤯 .

If you’re lucky, you might have one or two bonds where you can truly be your baggy-tracksuit-no make-up-messy house- cringy and imperfect self. But perhaps there are other connections that feel a bit fraught or unenjoyable and you’re not sure why.

Could honesty be the issue?

Maybe some taboo subjects have evolved and you’re dancing around them. Or perhaps you feel on your guard, watching your every word in case it is misinterpreted or used as evidence against you in a later argument.

Of course, I’m not advocating for blunt and brutal honesty in every single relationship. But I am looking for ways to nudge towards more frankness.

For Steve and I, the whole ‘decorating vs. holidays’ debate has been a long-standing bone of contention. Steve loves a room remodel (the latest project has been a man-cave complete with a fully fledged Lego Death Star). But for me, experiences is where it’s at.

The man cave!!!

With this newfound honesty revelation forefront in my mind, I decide to take the bull by the horns and discuss plans for the year ahead. After a few stand-off moments (who said being straight-talking was easy 🤷‍♀️) we come up with a plan that makes us both feel better.

However, I do think picking your moment for candour is crucial. Sometimes, people just aren’t ready to hear it. Other times, you might not have the mental energy for the potential fallout. Sometimes, the relationship is just too fragile to bear the weight of it.  

Personally, I’m going to see being more honest as a North Star ⭐ to navigate towards in relationships that truly matter to me. In some, there will be quicky, easy routes; in others, the journey will be longer and more measured.

Wishing you a truly insightful week,

Carolyn xxx

Mini Journalling Prompt:

In a relationship that really matters to you, what is not being said? How could you take one step closer to more honesty?